I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize