Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
