Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize