Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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