So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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