You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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