yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
