Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
