apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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