i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize