Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
