if only i could text you this smell
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
