$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
