Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
