I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
