Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
