I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
