Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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