I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize