I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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