he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
