I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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