girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
