Nicole vs. Life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
