he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
