ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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