well you can't waste a boner
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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