Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
