D3 body, D1 cock
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
