So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
