Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
