sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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