Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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