My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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