party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
