My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
