I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
