and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
