I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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