laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
