Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
