Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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