Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
