yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
