so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
