I think i peed on brittanys purse
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
