It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
