I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
