something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
