Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
