Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
