But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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