You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
