I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
