it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
