Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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