Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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