Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you remember whose house we're in?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
