So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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