you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
