so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
