Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
