i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
