So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
