Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
