So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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