I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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