I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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