Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
