Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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