if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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