no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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