I just pynch a tree in the face
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
