I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
