What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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