i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
