When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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